so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
