yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
and she was petting her beer can
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
