I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
