When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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