So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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