Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
