Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
