please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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