i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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