I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
