Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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