I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
