Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
