it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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