Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize