Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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