Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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