Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry about my life...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
