The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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