return my video game
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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