Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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