Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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