i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
