I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize