Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
