my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
