Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
