I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
