im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
