you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
