i think my tv is drunk
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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