Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
