It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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