Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
