she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
