So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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