My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
