thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
