You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
