I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
