mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
NoShamevember. You game?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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