I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
