I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
