You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
