All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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