Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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