Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
