I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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