I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
