it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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