Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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