did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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