You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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