Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
