I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize