I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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