a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
