There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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