Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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