If i could tip my vagina, i would.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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