i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
