do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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