Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
