Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
