Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
