My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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