mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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