Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
