did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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