i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After last night, I could never be a politician.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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