Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
