Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
