i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
