shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
