playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
