Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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