Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
