ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
