good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
