She said her name was "party"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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