he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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